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HERE’S THE DEAL: I made an 8-page comic about Count Poopula and some other nerds, and now you can buy it!

WHERE TO GET IT: Gumroad or Sellfy

Price: $1, that way if you end up hating it, it’s not like you spent any real money on it.

All black and white, with the intent being that kids can print it out and color it in, or maybe you could just open the dumb thing up in photoshop if you’re cool like that and color it like some kind of computer coloring dweeb. I don’t know. It’s up to you, Mr. Baby Man. I’m not your boss.

I love Halloween. I am an idiot because I got the idea to do this on Tuesday (thinking it was Monday), and then worked a bunch of stupid shifts and lost sleep and shit and I just spent ALL OF MY HALLOWEEN finishing it for you.

But hey, poop jokes and a werewolf with a butt for a head! Random parodies of famous monsters! Dr. Frankensteinersteiner! (Who is Dr. Frankensteinsteiner? Spend a dollar and find out, dummy!)

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Presenting my almost-daily thing that I do just for the hell of it, Two Packs a Day! Every weekday, I open two packs of WCW trading cards from 1991 and share my findings with you, complete with cheap, lazy jokes at the expense of the professional wrestlers involved. Enjoy!

So what did I find this time?

Well, I was going to approach this the way I usually do, but then I discovered something special about today’s packs. Today, I have the largest assortment of ridiculous facial expressions I have seen in a sampling of 24 cards.

Now, I’ve seen most of these cards before in previous packs, but not all in one place. I’d like to say it’s unprecedented, thus making me sound like one of those airheaded TV blowhards on the news shows, and maybe this happens more often than I have actually noticed, but let’s just go with it.

The Top 10 Facial Expressions of the 1991 WCW Trading Card Series (so far)

10. Arn “Double A” Anderson

WE HAVE TO GO BACK, KATE!

This might be the saddest face I’ve ever seen on Arn Anderson. This is a man who usually shows all the emotions, from serious business to scowling.

9. Scott Steiner

Scott just saw what he’s going to turn into in 20 years.

It’s not everyday that you see “Big Poppa Pump” Scott Steiner, the Genetic Freak, the Big Bad Booty Daddy, crying like a little baby. But remember this was when he was only ‘roided up like your average wrestler, before he attempted to turn himself into a real life kaiju.

8. Butch Reed

“It’s all good!”

Butch Reed is just a nice guy, even when he’s bodyslamming you.

7. Sid Vicious

“Who does Number 2 work for?!”

Fiber, Sid.

6. Flyin’ Brian Pillman

“Watch the balls!”

5. Arn Anderson, again

“NERRRRRRRRRRRDS!”

My cat Hugo makes this face at me frequently. I don’t know what his deal is.

4. Sid Vicious redux

“ME WANT HONEYCOMB!”

3. El Gigante

El Gigante does his best impression of someone watching an El Gigante match.

Turns out making this face was El Gigante’s best talent.

2. Ricky Morton

Morton realizes his career has already peaked.

Don’t worry, Ricky. It gets worse.

1. Ric Flair

I make the same face when I remember that time when Flair’s son tried to be a wrestler.

You probably can’t tell this from the cropped photo, but at this moment, Flair has his opponent in the Figure 4 Leg Lock. So what I’m saying is that this is the face Ric Flair makes when he’s winning.

That’s it for this week. See you on Monday for more 2PaD!

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