Two Packs a Day 5/24/12

Presenting my new almost-daily thing that I will do just for the hell of it, Two Packs a Day! Every weekday, I will open two packs of WCW trading cards from 1991 and share my findings with you. I have nearly a whole box of these that I ordered off of Amazon (I started with a sealed box, but I’ve given away a few packs to friends), so this should be fun. Or it will be a total disaster. We’ll see.

2 packs! 24 cards! What treasures lie within???

Let’s look at today’s Top 5!

1. Best Photo

No, Lex Luger hasn’t been caught off-guard! He’s simply doing his best attempt at the Humpty Dance.

Sadly, I would not be surprised if Lex actually did get busy in a Burger King bathroom.

I just hope he was able to get his shirt off.

2. Best Outfit

Man, two straight days of Freebird bashing. I don’t feel bad, because in reality those guys were epic as far as old school tag teams go (so badass they’re in the opening sequence of the first Highlander flick).

But man, what was up with the puffy shirts in WCW? Was the costumer for the company a low talker or something?

Talk about outdated pop culture references… sad. Just sad.

Hey, I’m trying here.

3. Best WTF Bio

Okay, so I know I’m a big atheist and all, so my Biblical knowledge might not be up to snuff by some standards, but I thought Goliath was supposed to be a bad guy. I’m getting mixed signals, because there’s no way a decent person over the age of 9 would actually list Sting as their favorite wrestler, but at the same time he loves Janet Jackson.

I just don’t know what to think anymore, guys.

4. Who???

The only people that probably don’t know who Teddy Long is are probably people who haven’t watched wrestling (at least not in the past decade). Incidentally, I know that I have an umber of readers who fit that description, so I think it’s fair to give him this spot today.

Okay, I’ll be honest: I only really picked him just to show off his fashion sense again.

But who is he?

Teddy Long has worked in the business since 1985 as a referee and a manager, starting with Jim Crockett Promotions (WCW), and working today for the WWE. His prime managing years were in the late ’80s and ’90s for WCW, where he managed Doom (his “clients” at the time this card was released), as well as the likes of Johnny B. Badd (aka Marc Mero) and The Skyscrapers (a tag team that included Mark Callous, who would go on to become the legendary Undertaker in the WWF).

In the late ’90s, Teddy joined the WWF as a referee, and then eventually became the “General Manager” (an on-screen “boss” role) of WWE Smackdown!

He likes saying “playa” when addressing people on the show. I don’t know why. It’s endearing, I guess.

But look at that outfit. It’s like he bought one of Vanilla Ice’s old suits at Goodwill and paired it with a crusty bandanna.

5. Jim Ross Gives Zero Fucks About Lex Luger

 

Man, who else can look so cool and composed while a ‘roid-headed boob like Luger is screaming incoherently right next to him? Jim motherfucking Ross.

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