Presenting my new almost-daily thing that I will do just for the hell of it, Two Packs a Day! Every weekday, I will open two packs of WCW trading cards from 1991 and share my findings with you. I have nearly a whole box of these that I ordered off of Amazon (I started with a sealed box, but I’ve given away a few packs to friends), so this should be fun. Or it will be a total disaster. We’ll see.
2 packs! 24 cards! What treasures lie within???
Let’s look at today’s Top 5!
1. Best Photo (Tie)
I will stop picking the Steiners Bros. when I stop getting amazing Steiner Bros. cards. This one was a tough call, so I just picked both cards, BECAUSE DOGS ARE AWESOME.
Dogs make almost everything better. Beer commercials? Better with dogs, as proven by Spuds McKenzie. Christmas songs? Better when sung (or howled) by dogs. Superheroes? Better when they have dog sidekicks (Krypto is probably my favorite thing from Superman comics).
And wrestlers? Better when they’re accompanied by dogs (Except when the dog in question is actually a person)!
Fuck yeah dogs! Oh wait…
Thanks, WCW and/or Impel, for helping promote the bad image unfairly associated with pit bulls. Because, you know, pit bulls totally eat people. Dicks.
2. Best Outfit
I was feeling down after that last card, but then Ricky Morton showed up with his outer space pirate shirt to cheer me up! I’m glad to see he learned to accessorize since our last encounter, and he’s really nailed it here: nothing goes better with that strange assortment of rags than a puffy blouse made out of Apollo 11 astronauts.
I guess you gotta do what you gotta do when you look like Joel Hodgson’s less-talented white trash brother.
3. Best WTF Bio
I will tell you right now, every Mr. Wallstreet card is insane. This one is just the tip of the iceberg.
I don’t know what to focus on: the likely unintended sexual innuendo (he’s “plugged in to her data base,” *snort*) or the fact that he’s using the magic of computers to beat his opponents. I bet it’s really exciting to watch.
I bet it looks just like this. Just with less Penn Jillette.
No, that’s not Garrett from Community. That’s Tommy Rich, and I have no idea who the hell he is or why somebody thought we needed a trading card of him. Turns out, the guy was once, back in the early 80s, NWA World Heavyweight Champion, albeit for only 4 days, as he dropped the belt to Harley Race, the previous holder of the title (in what Harley Race claims was a move by Jim Barnett to maintain some level of control over the NWA).
In what should be no surprise by now, Rich was actually quite popular in the Georgia and Memphis territories in the 70s and 80s, and by the time WCW brought him in he was an accomplished veteran (for those not in the know, WCW, owned by Ted Turner, was based out of Atlanta and worked to maintain the following it had built in the South by enlisting well known stars from the region). Sadly, he was quickly relegated to mid-card status as a member of the York Foundation (the same stable that was home to the aforementioned Mr. Wallstreet, along with Terry Taylor), and then was dropped to the bottom of the card once that stable broke up.
And now I am sad again. I’ll just watch this to feel better.
Feelin’ better already!
5. Best Use of Limerick
Considering how legendarily horrible the late El Gigante/Giant Gonzalez was in the ring, I wouldn’t be surprised if Ric Flair simply burst into flames when they faced each other.