Two Packs a Day 5/17/12

Presenting my new daily thing that I will do just for the hell of it, Two Packs a Day! Every weekday, I will open two packs of WCW trading cards from 1991 and share my findings with you. I have nearly a whole box of these that I ordered off of Amazon (I started with a sealed box, but I’ve given away a few packs to friends), so this should be fun. Or it will be a total disaster. We’ll see.

2 packs! 24 cards! What treasures lie within???

Let’s look at today’s Top 5!

1. Best Photo

You know, there might have been some nice cards in today’s packs, but I wouldn’t know. I was too damned enchanted by the beard on ol’ Dirty Dutch Mantell here. This picture is just strange.

“Hey, whaddya got for Dutch Mantell?”

“Well, I got this here picture of him lookin’ all hairy and sloppy, on his knees, arms akimbo in disapproval.”

“Oh that sounds good! Is he lookin’ at the camera?”

“Nope, he’s just staring off at something out of frame. Could be starin’ at a nekkid guy.”

“It’ll do, I guess.”

What is this I don’t even

2. Best Outfit

Man, you know what’s gotta put asses in seats? Taking a sweaty, hairy cuss like this guy and putting him in the cheapest, rattiest singlet you can find at Savers. Nothing is sure to woo the ring rats better than this combo.

It’s goddamn glorious, is what it is.

3. Best WTF Bio


Dutch is a dastardly dude! Here they say that he may be the hairiest, pretty much taking the Fox News approach to making a claim (I just wish they had posed the “dastardly dude” point as a question just to make it more Fox-y). I should point out also that he is billed from “Oil Trough, Texas.” Now, I took a gander at Google Maps, and, lo and behold, there is no such place. There’s an Oil Trough, Arkansas, but it’s relatively far from Texas.

4. Who???

So who exactly is this dastardly dude that’s taken over today’s 2PaD segment? Well, let’s find out…

According to Wikipedia, Dutch was born Wayne Keown. He wrestled under numerous monikers, but was best known as Dutch Martel (or Martell). He had some considerable success with the NWA in its heyday, was pretty legendary in the Southern territories (particularly Memphis) and had a pretty impressive series of matches against Jerry “The King” Lawler, a fellow Memphis legend.

He worked for both WCW and the WWF for brief stints, but never got huge with them. He later became a booker/writer for TNA before getting the axe a few years ago. Since then, he’s become an accomplished author. He’s also got a near-endless supply of outstanding stories from his wrestling years.

Oh yeah, and he has a blog: http://theworldaccordingtodutch.blogspot.com/

He seems like a pretty sharp dude, and he’s pretty web-savvy, to boot, which helps.

5. Best Beard

BEHOLD ITS GREATNESS

Bonus Award: Best Instance of Ric Flair Making Sting Look Like a Bitch

“Please, Nature Boy! Think about all the li’l Stingers out there!”

I just couldn’t pass up a chance to post this card.

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